KevMo!

2009-06-10T15:48:00.000-07:00

I mentioned the book Armchair Mystic by Mark E. Thibodeaux in my previous blog, but now I want to shamelessly promote it. The title is somewhat misleading. The book is primarily about developing a healthy prayer life. I wish that my words were adequate to describe how much this book has helped me in understanding the spiritual life. The book is simply written, short, and easy to understand (my three favorite things about a book). I would recommend this book to anyone who is seeking to understand prayer and/or teaching prayer to others. I wish that I had time to give this book an adequate review, but I am in the middle of my finals week. Here is a link to amazon to read some reviews and purchase the book if one so chooses.

Silencio

2009-05-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

I went on a silent retreat this past Friday. I wish that I could say that I did it because I am super spiritual or because I knew that I needed it, but the real reason is that it was a class requirement. I am currently enrolled in a Spiritual Disciplines class and one of the requirements was to go to a retreat center and spend the day in silence. I have never spent more than a couple of hours in silence so this was a scary thought. I approached this retreat with both excitement and fear.

The retreat center is located near Griffith park overlooking Los Angeles. The retreat center is a Catholic owned mansion that was built in the 1920's and donated to the local Archdioceses specifically for spiritual retreats. It was an amazing house with huge doors and beautiful stonework and woodwork. It was a great place to get away from the noise of life and spend time with God.

Everyone in my class began the retreat in the chapel with the Morning Prayer from the Liturgy of the hours (It was mainly scripture recitation). Then we were able to go anywhere on the grounds and spend time with God. I found a quiet bench in the courtyard and then I tried to pray. Unfortunately my mind was still going 100 miles an hour and I couldn't shut it up. So I panicked a little thinking about the next six hours of silence. I brought two books with me in case the silence became to much. I brought the Bible and Armchair Mystic. I first read from the Bible, but I couldn't concentrate so I read some of Armchair Mystic.

The author recounted a story where he would avoid spending time with God until one day when he prayed and God answered him in a unique way. God asked him, "What do you desire?"

"God's question was not the question of a manipulative mother using guilt to get her child to do some unpleasant task. No, God really wanted me to do exactly what I desired to do. He wanted no more than what I wanted. It was as though his sole purpose was to fufill my deepest desire. 'I release you,' he seemed to be saying, 'from whatever obligations you feel you have to accomplish for me. I promise to love you always--even if you never turn your face toward me again.' I was rocked even more by the response that was slowly forming inside me. 'I want to be with you, God'...I did not consciously choose to answer this way. It seemed to rise naturally from some place deep inside me, from below the surface of my superficial emotions.'"

These words comforted me and I was able to see that prayer is completely a work of God and that I only had to recieve this gift. The book also quotes a story about a Hindu disciple who asks his master about "enlightenment."

"'Master, how can we reach enlightenment?' asked the disciple. 'We can no more make enlightenment happen than make the sun rise,' was his reply. 'Then why do we pray at all?' asked the bewildered disciple. 'So that we will be awake when the sun rises,' said the master. The growth in my relationship with God is a gift from God."

These words allowed me, after two hours of silence, to finally just rest with God. I didn't need him to speak and I didn't need to speak to him, we just sat in silence. He did speak to me in the silence that day. He didn't answer my hundreds of questions or tell me the meaning of life or some profound piece of wisdom. In the silence God told me that he was with me and that was enough and for the first time in my life I agreed.

I ended the retreat that day by going through the stations of the cross in the chapel with some of my classmates and then we all met for evening prayer. It was an amazing experience and it showed me that often God doesn't speak to me because I haven't quieted myself in order to listen.

Just Some Thoughts

2009-04-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

I have recently started a new quarter of school and one of my classes is Church Disciplines (the other two are Greek and Systematic Theology I). I am really enjoying my Church Disciplines class because it is exactly what I need at this phase of my spiritual journey. One of the books I am reading is called Spiritual Theology by Diogenes Allen. It is a great book and I am enjoying learning about the spiritual side of theology.

I am over half way through my program and I am beginning to freak out about what to do after school, but I know that God already has something planned. It may not be what I want but it will be an adventure and God will be with me.

Modern Art

2009-03-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

Daniel A. Siedell says in his book God in the Gallery has some interesting thoughts about the relationship between modern art and Christianity.

" Moreover, there is a view that art, somehow, should communicate to the average person, who often has no real interest in putting in the time and effort required to understand and appreciate the hard-won results of artistic practice."

He also goes on to say that,

"Artists make art not because they have knowledge they want to 'express' but because they want to discover or learn something through the practice of art."

"The ultimate distinction, then, is not between Christian art and autonomous modern art but between art that in its union of form and content can bring forth or testify to an embodied transcendence, revealing our 'amphibious existence,' and art that denies such transcendence. It is thus quite possible and indeed quite probable that some of what is understood as Christian art is in fact a profoundly anti-transcendent art, presupposing a world hermetically sealed off from the contemplation of the Son, a purely immanent world in which communication consists solely of messages, sent and received, not of contemplation and communion with the Divine. In the Christian artists' zeal to express a Christian meassage, Christian art--in the bitterest of ironies--can further contribute to denying Christ's presence in the world." 164

It Will Only Feel Like an Eternity

2009-03-03T10:47:00.000-08:00

The main draw of Christianity for many people is the fact that they will be raised from the dead and spend eternity with Christ. I have often struggled with the idea of living forever. Sometimes I wish that we were given the choice to not live forever. Don't get me wrong, I don't look forward to death. But when it happens why can't I just stay dead? I have heard people talk about how no one can understand how great heaven is or how wonderful it will be. I completely agree with them, but I still would like the choice to enjoy my life with Christ and then peacefully enter into non-existence. I really don't expect anyone to agree with me, but I will still pray for a temporal existence.

Another thing that I often question is why God will raise people for the Last Judgment. Why not just let those people be dead? Why raise people, just to punish them forever? The expression, "beating a dead horse" comes to mind here.

I know that God has a better understanding of all this than me so I will leave it in his capable hands.

Just a Quick Note to Ponder

2009-02-17T17:21:00.001-08:00

In my Theology, Worship and Art class we talked about the connection between art and prophecy. I am purposely choosing not to elaborate on this because I want people to draw their own conclusions. We also talked about the prophets as practicing some of the earliest forms of performance art in order to bring about change (including John the Baptist).

Life is Good

2009-02-17T10:14:00.000-08:00

I think everyone has heard songs reminding them to be thankful for the people they have in their life. Today, I am reminded of how lucky I am and how good my life is. Melody has been sick the past four days and she has been at home with me (sleeping mostly). I hate seeing her sick, but I love having her home with me while I do my homework.

I am a full time student and I have a great part time job and a wife that loves me. I don't know what else I can ask for out of this life. It becomes so easy for me to complain about an assignment or a professor, but I know that I have it so good. This life moves so fast and I don't know how long it will be this good so I want to really enjoy it. I am standing in the sun on a cold winter day hoping that the sun will stay on me as long as possible.

2009-02-10T15:28:00.000-08:00

Worship Through Art

2009-01-29T09:37:00.000-08:00

This first picture is a piece of liturgical art that I found particularly powerful by John Kiefer. It is entitled, "Can you drink the cup I am to drink..."

The rest of these pictures are sanctuaries that used art to transform their church into a worship space.

Tradition (continued)

2009-01-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

After writing my previous post, I learned that the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels in Los Angeles has artwork on the wall representative of this tradition. I have linked included a link for those who are interested. From what I have heard, this is a tapestry that is mounted on the wall that gives the illusion that one is worshipping with the saints.

I am currently taking a class titled, Worship, Theology and Art and I want to share a quote from one of the lectures.

"Christianity will not win the war of ideas, as long as it continues to lose the war of images—this is where the decisive battle is being fought today. Who has the better story? Who shows it in the most dramatic audience immersing way? This is what this course is about."

I have become increasingly interested in how artistic expression can be incorporated into worship and in the creation of a sanctuary.

A Tradition

2009-01-06T21:11:00.000-08:00

Someone once told me that the church is weaker the moment I walk in the door. While this is a valuable insight, I prefer the comment of my amazing wife. She reminded me that I have something unique and important to contribute. This doesn't just apply to me, but to everyone who has put their faith in Jesus Christ. Being a Christian means that one is now part of the larger history and tradition of the Church. The history of the Church includes those brave souls who loved the church so much that they were willing to die on its behalf. I am humbled by the fact that I am now part of this tradition.

The Giver

2008-10-28T10:17:00.001-07:00

Grace is not an easy gift to receive. I am not very good at receiving gifts in general. I have always been one of those people who thinks that everything I have has been earned. It has been a hard road for me to be where I am today (or so I tell myself). It is incredibly humbling to see everything in my life as a gift from God. I sometimes resent those gifts because of my pride. I want to believe that God gives me gifts because I do the best I can and live according to his Word. Fortunately for me, God is a giver and his giving is based on him and not me. His gifts are based on his eternal love and have nothing to do with how hard I work. Don't get me wrong, God wants us to work, but his gifts are not based on merit.

Matthew 20 (included below) is the parable about the vineyard owner who goes out and hires laborers all throughout the day. Some he hires in the morning and others in the afternoon and evening, but he pays them all the same wage. My mind screams, "that's not fair." It is even harder to accept God's gifts when I compare them with other people's gifts. I think that behind this has been my fundamental misunderstanding of giving. Giving is based completely on the generosity of the giver and is not based on the merit of the one receiving the gift.

Matthew 20

The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard 1"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. 2He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.
3"About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. 4He told them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.' 5So they went.
"He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. 6About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, 'Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?'
7" 'Because no one has hired us,' they answered. "He said to them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard.'
8"When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.'
9"The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. 10So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12'These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.'
13"But he answered one of them, 'Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? 14Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?'
16"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

After the Fire Came a Gentle Whisper

2008-09-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

1 Kings 19 has an amazing story about one of God's most beloved prophets, Elijah. This story always encourages me and reveals so much about God's character. To set the story up for those who haven't read it in a while, Elijah is running for his life from the evil Queen Jezebel. Elijah, facing a death sentence, journeys into the desert broken, battered and alone.

1 Kings 19:3-13

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, Lord," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God
There he went into a cave and spent the night. And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?" He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."
The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

A Few Comments
These verses are so encouraging because it is a picture of how God constantly provide us with what we will need for our journey through life. He is always concerned about our needs and will never send us out unprepared for the journey ahead.

Another interesting thing about this passage is how God chooses to reveal himself. God is so great, mighty and strong, but he chooses to reveal himself or as a gentle whisper. This speaks to the paradoxical nature of God. God is capable of coming in power, but more often than not God comes in humility (see Jesus Christ) and quietly speaks to our hearts.

Susanna

2008-09-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

I was doing some research for one of my papers and I came across the apocryphal book (a book that is recognized as profitable, but didn't make it into the Bible), Susanna. Read it if your interested.

For some reason the text is missing verse 1. It reads, There dwelt a man in Babylon, called Joacim

Summer Burnout

2008-09-09T19:44:00.000-07:00

Summer School

I am working on my last paper for the summer and I cannot tell you how happy I will be when it is done. I feel like this has been a less than relaxing summer. It started with me spending 4 hours a day in class for six weeks straight and it is ending with papers and a horrible sunburn. I have been working furiously (because I procrastinated) on a few papers for my last two classes. I want to find the person who invented the quarter system and punch him in the face. It is a tricky way for schools to take more of your money, make summer classes a requirement and force a semester of work into 3 months.

The Beach

I went to the beach with Melody a little over a week ago and I underestimated the power of the sun. We got up early on a Saturday and drove out to Malibu to enjoy some Southern California weather. We found a nice spot and set up our beach blanket. The waves were particularly strong so we couldn't do very much swimming. We found this out the hard way by getting our butts kicked by a giant wave. It hit us so hard that my knee was bleeding from the sand rubbing against it. We then decided it would be a good idea to stay out of the water and just do some sunbathing. I put on sunblock, but I must have missed a few key areas on my chest and my feet especially. Basically, I got the worst sunburn of my life. I will spare you the details but I missed 4 days of work and had second degree burns over both my feet and couldn't sleep for 2 days. I know what your thinking. Aren't you from California? Didn't you grow up in the Central Valley where it is especially hot? Don't you know that the sun is hot? The answer to all of the above is yes, but I got lazy and did not heed all of warnings from the Coppertone commercials (the ones with the dermaphoto booth). I really cannot wait for a cold, windy and miserable day with no sun.

There's No Time Like the Present

2008-09-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

Buddhism emphasizes living in the present moment. This means that one must focus on the present and not reminisce about the past or worry about the future. Jesus said something similar in Luke chapter 12:22-31. One of my goals this year has been to live in the present moment. I want to enjoy the good times without worrying about when they might end. I want to get everything out of my present experience before moving on to the next. It is important to reflect on the past and consider the future, but I don't want to miss out on the present.

Hot, Hot, Sweatin' Like a Pig!

2008-09-01T10:58:00.001-07:00

When I was in the 7th grade and attending Ione Middle School, I used to ride the bus to school everyday. I would have to get to the bus stop by 6:45 or the bus would just keep on going. Everyday on the bus a song would come on at exactly 7:00. I heard this song so many times that it is now engrained in my memory. I shared it with Melody a few days ago and she thinks it is pretty funny. I hope you enjoy it as well.

You're on the Verge of a Miracle - Thanks, Rich Mullins

2008-08-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

Melody and I have been in search of a new church. This is a topic worthy of its own blog, but for now I would like to focus on something more pressing on my mind. I have become increasingly interested in charismatic church services. A charismatic student in one of my classes made an interesting point regarding churches in his denomination. He said that in some charismatic churches there can be disappointment if something miraculous doesn't happen every Sunday. It made me think about how content I am with nothing miraculous happening at church. I get up and go to church expecting to worship God in song, expecting to pray, expecting the pastor to bring a word from the Lord, but almost never expecting a miracle. I would rather expect a miracle every Sunday and be let down once in a while, than to continue expecting nothing and have my expectations met.

Counting My Blessings

2008-08-18T19:55:00.000-07:00

I feel so privileged to be in seminary right now. It has been such a blessing to learn in this multicultural, multi-denominational setting. Melody has been incredibly supportive in every way and she always listens patiently as I ramble on about my newest idea or theory.

Our new city is also starting to grow on us and I feel more at home every day. Melody mentioned that we were probably in culture shock when we first got here and I agreed. Everyday I feel like God blesses me in ways that I don't acknowledge or even know about. There are countless small provisions that the Lord brings throughout the day that show me what a loving God we have.

Much Study Wearies The Body

2008-05-27T20:40:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 12:12, "Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body."

I started a new job today. I will be working in the library in the periodicals section. Working in this section brought me to the realization that there are many papers written by many people over the past century. I often wonder how anyone can add anything new to these vast collections. Will something I write end up in one of these journals? Some of the journals are over a 100 years old and look as though no one has touched them in that time. I often wonder if there is an article in one of them that has an incredible insight. It could just be waiting to be discovered.

It is easy to become overwhelmed when I think about the idea of trying to have an original idea in writing my papers. It seems as though everything has been said and every insight explored. All I can do is try and add my thoughts and hope they will be original

Live Long and Prosper

2008-05-06T14:40:00.000-07:00

Today, I was walking out of one of my classes and right into someone's conversation. It was one of those conversations that you have no context for and only hear a few lines in passing. The tone is one of interogation.

Student A: "Hey are you a REAL Treky (Star Trek Fanatic)? I mean have you seen every espisode?"

Student B: "Well, Yeah, I mean I have seen...."(I left too soon and missed the end)

First Week of School

2008-04-03T22:18:00.000-07:00

This was my first week of school and it has been an amazing experience for lack of a better term. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up with the other students, because I have been out of school for the past few years. Lets just say my confidence is a little shaky academically speaking. It is a bit intimidating being in such an intense environment. It is also the third quarter and most of the students are already well acquainted with the current system. I love my classes here and I feel challenged theologically and spiritually.

Back to school

2008-03-31T13:07:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day of school since June of 2005. My first class was Pentateuch and I was on the waiting list hoping that a few people would drop the course. It was a surreal experience being back in the classroom, but I really enjoyed it.

On another note Melody and I are still adjusting to our new surroundings. Our new place here in Pasadena is much smaller than our place in Portland and we are always bumping into things. The doorways are smaller than normal and I find myself running into them. It will take some time to adjust, but we still love our hamster cage. I have an office (closet) to study in so that makes me happy. It doesn't have any windows, but sensory deprivation is an important part of my study habits.

First Post

2008-03-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was orientation at FTS. It is always a strange feeling to go through any orientation. I have been through many in my time as a student and they never get less awkward. It was nice to meet some other new students especially since it hasn't really been a warm welcome so far. I knew it was going to be hard starting in the Spring term, but it has really been a struggle to even get anyone to talk to me. Melody and I always smile at people, but they seem to thing we are crazy or something. We found a really great church though and we are excited to learn more about their different ministries. I know that God has called me to this place, but it doesn't always feel that way. I start school on Monday and I am excited to start but also sad to say goodbye to my free time.