The Giver

Grace is not an easy gift to receive. I am not very good at receiving gifts in general. I have always been one of those people who thinks that everything I have has been earned. It has been a hard road for me to be where I am today (or so I tell myself). It is incredibly humbling to see everything in my life as a gift from God. I sometimes resent those gifts because of my pride. I want to believe that God gives me gifts because I do the best I can and live according to his Word. Fortunately for me, God is a giver and his giving is based on him and not me. His gifts are based on his eternal love and have nothing to do with how hard I work. Don't get me wrong, God wants us to work, but his gifts are not based on merit.

Matthew 20 (included below) is the parable about the vineyard owner who goes out and hires laborers all throughout the day. Some he hires in the morning and others in the afternoon and evening, but he pays them all the same wage. My mind screams, "that's not fair." It is even harder to accept God's gifts when I compare them with other people's gifts. I think that behind this has been my fundamental misunderstanding of giving. Giving is based completely on the generosity of the giver and is not based on the merit of the one receiving the gift.



Matthew 20

The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard 1"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. 2He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.
3"About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. 4He told them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.' 5So they went.
"He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. 6About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, 'Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?'
7" 'Because no one has hired us,' they answered. "He said to them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard.'
8"When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.'
9"The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. 10So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12'These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.'
13"But he answered one of them, 'Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? 14Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?'
16"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

After the Fire Came a Gentle Whisper

1 Kings 19 has an amazing story about one of God's most beloved prophets, Elijah. This story always encourages me and reveals so much about God's character. To set the story up for those who haven't read it in a while, Elijah is running for his life from the evil Queen Jezebel. Elijah, facing a death sentence, journeys into the desert broken, battered and alone.

1 Kings 19:3-13

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, Lord," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God
There he went into a cave and spent the night. And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?" He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."
The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

A Few Comments
These verses are so encouraging because it is a picture of how God constantly provide us with what we will need for our journey through life. He is always concerned about our needs and will never send us out unprepared for the journey ahead.

Another interesting thing about this passage is how God chooses to reveal himself. God is so great, mighty and strong, but he chooses to reveal himself or as a gentle whisper. This speaks to the paradoxical nature of God. God is capable of coming in power, but more often than not God comes in humility (see Jesus Christ) and quietly speaks to our hearts.

Susanna

I was doing some research for one of my papers and I came across the apocryphal book (a book that is recognized as profitable, but didn't make it into the Bible), Susanna. Read it if your interested.

For some reason the text is missing verse 1. It reads, There dwelt a man in Babylon, called Joacim

Summer Burnout

Summer School

I am working on my last paper for the summer and I cannot tell you how happy I will be when it is done. I feel like this has been a less than relaxing summer. It started with me spending 4 hours a day in class for six weeks straight and it is ending with papers and a horrible sunburn. I have been working furiously (because I procrastinated) on a few papers for my last two classes. I want to find the person who invented the quarter system and punch him in the face. It is a tricky way for schools to take more of your money, make summer classes a requirement and force a semester of work into 3 months.

The Beach

I went to the beach with Melody a little over a week ago and I underestimated the power of the sun. We got up early on a Saturday and drove out to Malibu to enjoy some Southern California weather. We found a nice spot and set up our beach blanket. The waves were particularly strong so we couldn't do very much swimming. We found this out the hard way by getting our butts kicked by a giant wave. It hit us so hard that my knee was bleeding from the sand rubbing against it. We then decided it would be a good idea to stay out of the water and just do some sunbathing. I put on sunblock, but I must have missed a few key areas on my chest and my feet especially. Basically, I got the worst sunburn of my life. I will spare you the details but I missed 4 days of work and had second degree burns over both my feet and couldn't sleep for 2 days. I know what your thinking. Aren't you from California? Didn't you grow up in the Central Valley where it is especially hot? Don't you know that the sun is hot? The answer to all of the above is yes, but I got lazy and did not heed all of warnings from the Coppertone commercials (the ones with the dermaphoto booth). I really cannot wait for a cold, windy and miserable day with no sun.

There's No Time Like the Present

Buddhism emphasizes living in the present moment. This means that one must focus on the present and not reminisce about the past or worry about the future. Jesus said something similar in Luke chapter 12:22-31. One of my goals this year has been to live in the present moment. I want to enjoy the good times without worrying about when they might end. I want to get everything out of my present experience before moving on to the next. It is important to reflect on the past and consider the future, but I don't want to miss out on the present.  

Hot, Hot, Sweatin' Like a Pig!

When I was in the 7th grade and attending Ione Middle School, I used to ride the bus to school everyday. I would have to get to the bus stop by 6:45 or the bus would just keep on going. Everyday on the bus a song would come on at exactly 7:00. I heard this song so many times that it is now engrained in my memory. I shared it with Melody a few days ago and she thinks it is pretty funny. I hope you enjoy it as well.

You're on the Verge of a Miracle - Thanks, Rich Mullins

Melody and I have been in search of a new church. This is a topic worthy of its own blog, but for now I would like to focus on something more pressing on my mind. I have become increasingly interested in charismatic church services. A charismatic student in one of my classes made an interesting point regarding churches in his denomination. He said that in some charismatic churches there can be disappointment if something miraculous doesn't happen every Sunday. It made me think about how content I am with nothing miraculous happening at church. I get up and go to church expecting to worship God in song, expecting to pray, expecting the pastor to bring a word from the Lord, but almost never expecting a miracle. I would rather expect a miracle every Sunday and be let down once in a while, than to continue expecting nothing and have my expectations met.

Counting My Blessings

I feel so privileged to  be in seminary right now. It has been such a blessing to learn in this multicultural, multi-denominational setting.  Melody has been incredibly supportive in every way and she always listens patiently as I ramble on about my newest idea or theory. 

Our new city is also starting to grow on us and I feel more at home every day. Melody mentioned that we were probably in culture shock when we first got here and I agreed. Everyday I feel like God blesses me in ways that I don't acknowledge or even know about. There are countless small provisions that the Lord brings throughout the day that show me what a loving God we have.

Much Study Wearies The Body

Ecclesiastes 12:12, "Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body."

I started a new job today. I will be working in the library in the periodicals section. Working in this section brought me to the realization that there are many papers written by many people over the past century. I often wonder how anyone can add anything new to these vast collections. Will something I write end up in one of these journals?  Some of the journals are over a 100 years old and look as though no one has touched them in that time. I often wonder if there is an article in one of them that has an incredible insight. It could just be waiting to be discovered.

It is easy to become overwhelmed when I think about the idea of trying to have an original idea in writing my papers. It seems as though everything has been said and every insight explored. All I can do is try and add my thoughts and hope they will be original

Live Long and Prosper

Today, I was walking out of one of my classes and right into someone's conversation. It was one of those conversations that you have no context for and only hear a few lines in passing. The tone is one of interogation.

Student A: "Hey are you a REAL Treky (Star Trek Fanatic)? I mean have you seen every espisode?"

Student B: "Well, Yeah, I mean I have seen...."(I left too soon and missed the end)

First Week of School

This was my first week of school and it has been  an amazing experience for lack of a better term. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up with the other students, because I have been out of school for the past few years. Lets just say my confidence is a little shaky academically speaking. It is a bit intimidating being in such an intense environment. It is also the third quarter and most of the students are already well acquainted with the current system. I love my classes here and I feel challenged theologically and spiritually.

Back to school

Today was my first day of school since June of 2005. My first class was Pentateuch and I was on the waiting list hoping that a few people would drop the course. It was a surreal experience being back in the classroom, but I really enjoyed it. 

 

On another note Melody and I are still adjusting to our new surroundings. Our new place here in Pasadena is much smaller than our place in Portland and we are always bumping into things. The doorways are smaller than normal and  I find myself running into them. It will take some time to adjust, but we still love our hamster cage. I have an office (closet) to study in so that makes me happy. It doesn't have any windows, but sensory deprivation is an important part of my study habits.

First Post

Yesterday was orientation at FTS. It is always a strange feeling to go through any orientation. I have been through many in my time as a student and they never get less awkward. It was nice to meet some other new students especially since it hasn't really been a warm welcome so far. I knew it was going to be hard starting in the Spring term, but it has really been a struggle to even get anyone to talk to me. Melody and I always smile at people, but they seem to thing we are crazy or something. We found a really great church though and we are excited to learn more about their different ministries. I know that God has called me to this place, but it doesn't always feel that way. I start school on Monday and I am excited to start but also sad to say goodbye to my free time.